Resilience, a state of defeat or a path forward?

I saved this quote a while ago, I believe because of its use of resilience:

“Psychology says women who feel like they’ve failed at life are often holding themselves to standards no one could survive. They measure their worth by timelines, titles, and unchecked boxes—forgetting that resilience, healing, and simply staying alive through it all is a kind of success no one claps for. They haven’t failed. They’ve been fighting battles no one saw and still choosing to try."

As this blog is dedicated to the emotional experiences and manifestations of the nonprofit space, resilience is a mandate that many charitable organizations have taken to heart, "if we just hang in there long enough, philanthropists will see how good we are, how much good we do, and how deserving we are of that grant.”

I for one, always considered the long game was the way to go. I have reassessed that position, most perhaps in my personal life.

Endurance and perseverance are qualities that have a long history. These concepts are used in personal memoirs, in chronicling cultures, and appearing in historical annals. Nonprofits have built an entire industry around it.

Resilience, a close sibling, is used in many of these renditions, not the least in personal accounts of what humanity is exposed to in the quest for eternal belonging and triumph. We award prizes for endurance and persistence, we engage in races of physical prowess, and we scream from the rooftops when someone overcome adversity. And yes, I profess to support all of these gains, as well. But only when the circumstances are truly worth the outcomes, and applicable to all of humanity, not to promote one group at the expense of another.

In addition to applying resilience in my work, I have realized that the quality and expressions of resilience are not all positive.

The quote above puts it in stark perspective.

We are asked to endure. To fight until we have no more to give. We are requested to persevere through hardship and see it as an inevitable struggle that is part of being human. Resilience is laudable honorific, bestowed upon those who fight against all odds, and even if they fail, they tried. And when we get recognition, we might shirk form the glowing remarks as we only were doing what was asked and necessary to survive.

So, in this realm, resilience is a badge of honor. Resilience is viewed through a shimmering rose colored glass, which hides the contours and the scarred edges. Resilience might be a strategy for the longer game; a tactic to endure the hits that keep coming.

Resilience is none of this.

Resilience is to endure onslaughts that come from all sides, and you are still on the losing side. Resilience is the powerful mantra that will calm the masses, that will give those who are beaten down, one step at a time, a sense of value when the bigger battle is not for them to win.

I have come to regard resilience as suspect in the ongoing fight against injustice, against forces that hold civilizations down. Resilience is that middle ground, the one that will keep on fighting when the odds are all in favor of the opponent. Resilience is what you tell an adversary when they fought well but had no prospect of winning. Resilience is that ultimate betrayal to subdue the enemy with faint praise.

Resilience is the enemy. As with disappointment, which I also view as a suspect asset, be it emotional, social or financial, to entertain, resilience lands in the same category of enduring hardship, to not put up a fight, to accept the circumventing losses. It is a way to make your enemy recede in to the shadows, accepting defeat, not allowing them to stand up and point out the inequities, hardships and obliteration of your capabilities.

Although I realize that is it no a one-to-one ratio, I have come to view resilience as a negative pathway to success. It is not the endurance, the acceptance that will make you go places. that will make you reach your objective. “Keep Calm and Carry On” was an enduring slogan for WWII; it was a tactic that was necessary because it lead to a common goal. But resilience handed out as a long term pathway is not a winning strategy.

Resilience represents the subjugation of the masses. It is a drug that offers a a tempera high to keep going, but it is also a recipe for a slow but stead decline in power, effort, and success; it is the wearing down of an opponent.

When resilience is used as a path forward, it is a powerful tool for complacency.

If we redefine resilience as a contrapment among many, not a status quo position, not a resignation in favor of the circumstances in order to continue to exist, if that is what it means, I am all for it.

Until then, I rather put up a fight.

Photo by Engin Akyurt via Pexels.